Happy Anniversary!

Today is the one-year anniversary of this blog!

Time flies. While this blog was born of some serious lesbian angst, this year has been a huge growth year for me filled with ups and downs, but overall awesome transformative experiences. I can’t believe I’ve been in Los Angeles for a year and a half now. And, while this blog was largely a chronicle of my romantic career as an LA girl, I’ve also managed to make a lot of amazing friends along the way and discover a lot of delightful LA nooks and crannies that have made it more a home than a crazy urban jungle to this country mouse.

But the best part of this blog has been seeing what search terms bring y’all here. Most people come here searching for my blog name, butch-femme, sewing pattern reviews and my tutorial on how to make a silent hill nurse costume, but there are some random, uh, gems, too! So, I thought I’d put together a little Q&A based on them. Heh.

my bulging biceps
Good for you!

whin a butch femme rolls over her partner
Wait… so is the femme really butch? And… rolls like a steamroller? Sounds hot!

hot femme for the butch in me
Awwww yeah.

i get approached by dom lesbians, but attracted to femmes
Is that really so unfortunate? 

skyler cooper a woman?
Yes! And a super hot one at that!

what d femme lesbian think of petite woman
We love cute pocket-sized things!

sad feelings collection
Awww :(

nice theoretical device for head
You…. don’t say? I am intrigued!

moose with bandage on head
Poor moose!

lisa frank butch pictures
I will reward someone handsomely for a butch Lisa Frank picture. PLEASE.

oops femme
Femme happens to the best of us sometimes!

pale femmes attractive
Why, thank you!

would a single shot of hot damn effect a person
I’d like to think so.

who pays on dates soft butch or femme?
I always hope my date will reach for the check on the first go around, but I always come prepared with cash to go dutch. But chances are slim there will be a second date. Sorry!

lonly gentleman waits to have fem willing visitor
Poor guy! Hope he found a, um, willing visitor.

relationship red flags she swoons about ex
Truth! If she has a fainting couch nearby to fall upon when thinking of her ex, red flag!

bbw nurse freak boobs
I am pleased that this search string would lead someone to me.

ex in new relationship still has my pictures on facebook
Ask them to take them down!

how to write anenacdata
a-n-e-c-d-a-t-a

what makes it a femme thing?
When a femme does it. ♥

unexpected blowjob
Surprise!

femme butt building
Heh.

for working footjobs where the pinches with the toes
What exactly makes a footjob “work”? Toe pinches! Heeee!

what’s up with the silent hill nurses?
Uh, they’re the most awesome Silent Hill villain. Duh.

aggressive lesbians licking straight woman
Like… just randomly out in public? Yikes!

i hate being hot
I hate being cold!

i meet up with my butch friend she kissed me and i kissed her back , what does it means ?
It means y’all kissed.

Thanks for reading!
♥squeak

Tags: blog anniversary, Q&A

The difference between apples and oranges is…

I work for a queer organization (lucky me!) and we host events regularly that appeal to and educate LGBT people and their allies. I really like to work the registration table so I can scope out any potential hot swagger that might come to our events (which are largely attended by older white gay men, but a girl can hope). One event a few months ago, a tall, broad, shaved bald and be-suited woman with a blindingly charming smile came up to retrieve her badge and I stared like a deer in headlights at her for a good minute before getting my act together and putting on the fluttery lashes.

After she left, my straight co-worker and fellow single-gal nudged me hard in the ribs and admonished me in a harsh whisper, “She was wearing A RING.”

Oh. I didn’t even look for that!

I never look for that. Isn’t that strange? I want to be a married, proud ring wearing lady one day, too. I feel like a typical straight girl in most ways when it comes to dating and love, and yet I don’t think to look for a ring because somewhere, tucked into my little queer psyche, there is the notion that we are not as likely to be married as straight people. Or divorced. Or parents. Just free floating, free loving single queers ripe for the picking. All the married ones seem to sequester themselves indoors.

So, on our third date Jack disclosed that she was both divorced from a same-sex marriage AND a parent with shared custody who was seeking sole custody. It took me completely off-guard. Something I had never dealt with in dating before and something that I really never gave a thought to, whereas my straight female co-worker who is my same age does come across many men who are divorced and/or fathers.

It isn’t my ideal, but so far Jack is worth it and I’m sticking with it to see what lessons I can learn in adaptation.

♥ squeak

Tags: butch/femme, dating, divorce, Jack, parent, straight versus gay

Pattern Review: Butterick B5209

Hi from is-it-summer-is-it-winter? Los Angeles!

Unique LA was this past weekend and that was the perfect motivator to finishing up my dress from Butterick B5209. This pattern was a repro-vintage pattern for a halter neck, full gathered skirt dress and included a back panel to add in case you’re extra modest, or, like me, have a ginormous back tattoo that would clash with the print.

In any case, here is the pattern envelope:

 And here is my version of the dress (without the cute nipped-in waist I was promised by the drawing):

This dress took me about two weeks, but only 6 hours total. A lot of that was whining and cutting. Most often simultaneously. I cut the smallest size available, but learned the hard way that a gathered bust made on non-stretch fabric is not my friend. The saddest, smushed, blousiest bust ever. I had to MacGyver the chest situation by making right-side tucks from the bust apex to the neckline and hand-tacking/slip-stitching in place (hence the more heart-shaped neckline on my dress).  One of these days I’m going to learn how to better alter my pattern before sewing, but at the moment transferring changes from a 3D tissue pattern fit to flat paper hurts my head in that math way.

But I AM good at MacGyvering.

I will probably not make this pattern again, given the sadness of the gathered bust, but if I did I would underline instead of self-line and use French seams to make the bust less baggy/material dense. I would also cut the midriff piece on the fold. Not quite sure why it was two pieces that required a seam down the middle. I’d also like a finished garment measurement section on the envelope, as lots of patterns throw in some crazy ease in the chest area.

The belt is made from Tilly and the Buttons’ awesome and easy tutorial!

Next up: Simplicity 2588 (the view in b&w polka dots, but with dark peacock fabric and pink piping)

Tags: 2588, B5209, butterick, crafty lady, sewing, simplicity, vintage dress

An interesting thing happened…

A femme friend from San Diego drove up to Los Angeles and invited me out with her to see a queer lineup at The Mint, a gorgeous little hidden juke joint on Pico. It was on a Wednesday, which doesn’t cotton too well with my grandma mentality during a school night. However, this was within days of going to Bent and I was eager to keep the good times coming with some quality queers.

One of the performers was a butch-identified individual of the hottest degree. Throw in the fact that her music is sexy but feminist (as in, it didn’t objectify people), she has “butch” freaking tattoo’d on her arm and she is very personable and you have quite an interesting upheaval of the normal state of lesbian affairs. (Also sexy: she’s in a relationship and you can tell! Respectful butches are the bees knees, ladies.)

I had to admit, I was uncomfortable! I’m not used to having a performance “cater” to my aesthetic interest like that. I didn’t know how to respond, and spent most of the time looking at the other women in the room to see what the expected response was. Some of the butch appearing women also looked uncomfortable, and were probably experiencing a mix of emotions that I am used to as a feminine woman: camaraderie, slight envy and insecurity. They glanced at femme partners to see if they’ve ever been given that look. They may have compared stature and dress. They may have been thrilled to see an openly butch performer and basked in reflected glory. Many femmes had a glazed over look, or checked in often with their partners.

I’m not really sure how to encapsulate that strange mental moment, and I’m trying not to generalize or pin assumptions on others, just the surface I noticed; and wondering whether other femmes in particular were experiencing the same shiftiness. And yeah, I fess up to knowing about my insecurities and working on them.

(Feminine-normative) Women’s bodies are commoditized and so ambient in the US (and other places, but I can only speak for my own culture), that everyone, regardless of gender, is saturated with a remarkably standardized ideal of feminine beauty and female nudity is not unusual. I know I definitely feel inadequate even in queer spaces because sexy women images are prevalent there, and typically presented in an even more aggressive way.  Seeing the flyers that are meant to attract me to a lesbian event tend to make me want to eat nothing but salad, get a boob job and run a million miles before stepping foot in the door. This marketing is not meant for me, and I wonder who it does appeal to. Do butches want this? Every lesbian bar has idealized pin-ups on the walls and girly go-go dancers (hell, I was one!). Where are my butch centerfolds and studly go-go butches, please?

(Disclaimer: when I do go to a lesbian event it’s never as bad as I imagine.)

Which leads me to my favorite blog: Sociological Images. They wrote about this phenomenon – how we are all socialized to view sexy women’s bodies as the standard, to appeal to the heterosexual male gaze, whereas women view these bodies as inspirational and guilt-making. When looking at a male nude, both men and woman felt uncomfortable. Men mostly because they were used to being pandered to – an image was “for them” – and not finding the model attractive, and women because it was so unusual for them to be presented with an image for their titillation. They don’t realize they’ve been marginalized and their interests are deemed irrelevant despite the fact that they constitute half of the purchasing population.

Not meaning to generalize heterosexual men and women to the lesbian, and particularly butch-femme, community, but it did make sense for me.

(Case in point: how KD Lang is fully clothed and Cindy Crawford is in what appears to be a bathing suit and heels looking as sexy as possible?)

♥squeak

Tags: butch/femme, gender

Dating like you’re 18 again.

Hey lesbians, you know what it’s like when you start dating someone and then in the span of two weeks your lives are completely enmeshed. Yeah.

Suffice it to say, our first date went pretty well. But I’ll try to draw this out per usual blogging fashion. Let’s call her… Jack. She tends to wear a pretty prominent Jack Daniels belt buckle which kind of makes my knees structurally unsound.

I was surprised and charmed that she did make the approach at the end of the drag show. And without any mincing around, either! There was no doubt that was a date-collecting mission. When she didn’t call the first day, my best friend and I made bets on if she would follow ‘The Rule’. The one where you don’t call a girl until at least two days after getting her number. I’m not sure what purpose this serves anymore, as most phones are quite mobile and said girl is not chained to her room waiting for a suitor to call.  After getting my number on Saturday night, she totally did call me two days later that Monday night. Ha.

We arranged a date on Friday, and I was impressed again when she asked if I was vegetarian, and didn’t need any input. You guys. That means she  put herself in charge of the whole first date. I didn’t have to coach her! That is ridiculously hot. (Hint to every date-asker out there.)

I was a mess on Friday. I had given her a time of 7:30 to come by to pick me up, and I didn’t get home from work until 6:30. An hour may seem ample to the average person, but I had a dog to walk, legs to shave, makeup to reapply, shoes to agonize over and lot of hair to contend with. Every time I get ready for a date I always wonder what the typical preparation routine is for a butch. Is the process just as stressful and crazymaking? I’m only 5’4”, but most of my heels put me at a looming 5’9” and I have to struggle between presenting some hot gams or being  petite compared to my date. I chose a mid-heel and was only a little taller. It’s always a tough decision.

I’m not sure what she did go through to get ready, but she was well-dressed and wearing a tie. (Which y’all should know by now is my kryptonite.) She turned to open the door to begin the date and I caught a glimpse of a gray bandanna lodged purposefully in her left back pocket. Being a well-read perv, I immediately identified this as the flag for bondage.

INTERESTING.

I’m not going to lie; I spent a good amount of that date trying to suss out if she was legitimately trying to send such a message. (And hoping she was!)

She took me to a relatively fancy vegetarian place with a Moroccan vibe that was both delicious and completely new to me. The bonus points were racking up nicely in her favor. She was a little reserved, which is always an interesting time for me, as I am “outgoing.” (Which means obnoxious-ball-of-energy-who-will-ask-inappropriate-questions.) I found out that she was straightedge. No drinking! At all. (Ironic, right?) This is new for me, and what I imagine it’s like when I go out with a non-vegan who wants to eat meat around me: awkward. It also made the second part of the date a struggle.

I mean. What else do you do in Los Angeles besides drink? Ha. A first date typically means dinner, then drinks at one of millions of delightfully eclectic niche bars with amazing décor, signature cocktails and people watching. Something surprising about LA is that everything else closes at 5:00pm around here. So it’s either drinks, a movie, or walking around aimlessly downtown avoiding skid row. I managed to find an improv show and we went last minute – and soon found out why it was the last show and there were only a few other lonely souls there. The entire thing was mostly dick  jokes. Can you feel the romance in the air? Sigh. ☠

Afterward in the car was the thrust and parry of:

“Is… is there anything else you want to do?”
“I don’t know! I’d usually suggest my favorite bar, but…”
“Yeah. So…”
“Um, my house is three blocks down the street? I have movies?”
“Ok. Are you sure?”
“I’ll make snickerdoodles!”

Let’s just say snickerdoodles are a remarkable aphrodisiac. Or maybe it was the apron.

♥squeak

Tags: butch-femme, dating, hanky code, Jack, snickerdoodles

Oh – the mating dance

I was totally called out in my last post about the Bent drag and burlesque show for holding back. It’s true! But mostly because I didn’t want to jinx it. We’re a superstitious lot, us southerners.

I attended the show with my best friend, Wendy, who is typically mistaken as either my fraternal twin sister or my hot girlfriend because we are so similar. We complete each other’s sentences and can choreograph a ridiculous interpretive dance in-sync without even looking at the other. We are fairly intimidating to approach because we appear entirely too connected. So that night she tried to play wingwoman by looking like she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. We secured a seat, and then tried to give off the most uninterested body language – knees facing away, looking at everything else in the room, getting drinks separately, single single single.

The three seats next to me were filled with a butch-femme-butch trio. I checked them out as surreptitiously as I could, trying not to look too interested as I wasn’t exactly sure who the femme was with. The butch sitting next to me had her hand possessively on the girl’s knee so I took that as a signal, but after she got up for a drink, the butch on the end slung an arm around the back of her chair. It certainly wouldn’t be my first exposure to polyamory, and I was impressed. It’s typically a butch with a femme harem. Ah well. I settled in for the show.

There was a moment in the show where the audience was coerced into participating in an awkward meet-your-seatmates moment. I met the femme, who was ridiculously personable after we had a moment of shoe bonding. Then I met the butch who was sitting at the end of the row. Like a lusty bonobo, I can’t help but blush when I meet an attractive butch; it is terribly telling and, you know, gives them an advantage.  Mercifully, it was too dim in the room to show.

After the show, Wendy and I dominated the dance floor. As the night progressed the herd thinned considerably and a dreadlock’d butch inched closer and attempted to make eye contact. Wendy scooted away to give her swooping room and a chance to make a move. But… she never did! She was cute, yes, but I was in the mood to be pursued. Eventually my shoes won the war against my toes and I sat down in an empty seat nearby while Wendy, smartly shod in flats, continued to dance.

It pains me that I can’t remember her assuredly smooth opening line, but the blush-inducing butch from earlier in the night approached me and asked if she could buy me a drink. Caught off guard by her tie-wearing hotness, I lost the ability to supply flirtatious conversation and deadpanned with, “Uh, I don’t drink.”

YIKES. What I actually meant was, “It’s Lent and I gave up booze, but I don’t want to scare you away with religion and I’m not sure if you’re with that other girl but I’d love a Shirley Temple even though I’ve had twenty so far and I’m on a crazy sugar high.”

Miraculously she didn’t flee and extracted my wish for a Shirley Temple and returned with one promptly. I am becoming impressed with Los Angeles butches and their courage to approach femmes. We didn’t have long to chat, as she had to drive her friends home, but she did get my number and I skipped out of there on hopeful cloud nine.

Tags: BENT, burlesque, butch/femme, dating, drag king, drag show, los angeles, tie wearing

BENT: Pure Awesome in LA

You guys. I wish I could convey how great Saturday night was for me in my native tongue – explosive dance – but I’ll try to keep it to the written word.

In my year and a halfish in LA, I’ve been a little disappointed in the queers around these parts. I really expected a little more. A little less structure and a lot more, “oh no she diiiiin’t!” I went to lesbian nights, sadly divorced from the gay men nights, hoping to see the real grittiness and fun of the community back home. Where are my drag shows? Where were they all hiding?

I still don’t know the answer to those questions, but I do know such fabulous hot queers exist in LA and that they came out to BENT to see some fierce drag kinging and politically savvy burlesque. It was so good to be around queer people, and not just a gay dance night, to be revitalized and hopeful about such possibility here. I wish this event was monthly and I can’t wait for the next one. I didn’t feel awkward being retrofitted in 1940’s hair and pollyanna stacked red wedges, there was a dance party afterward with some serious jamz, the venue was a total dreamboat and SRSLY the hot people. My eyes are strained from the lecherous ogling. All the tie-wearing butches. I… I can’t even take the flashbacks right now. I’m on the verge of a swoon.

One thing that still didn’t get cleared up: why does everyone leave at midnight? Is there a queerfew? Is everyone really that tired? Does no one else feel compelled to dance to Prince? I don’t want to live in a world like that.

It made me miss my own bawdy burlesque past and itch to queer it up on stage in ridiculous costumes. If there is one thing I am always motivated by it’s to spend lots of time and money making an elaborate costume that will only see the light of day for a few hours. Maybe I should have a TLC special.

♥squeak

Tags: BENT, burlesque, butch, drag king, femme, queer

PSA for Los Angeles Queers!

BENT is throwing a Drag in the Name of Love show THIS SATURDAY at Mr. T’s Bowl in Highland Park. Not only will they have the Beauty Kings performing, but burlesque AND a baby drag king competition for all us smoky-eyed dames to sharpen our cougar claws for.

Afterwards there is hear-tell of a dance party going into the night for some possible bump-and-grind with whatever cutie you’ve been eyeing that night.

I’ll be there with victory rolls and a few hot lady friends! (Dang. Now I wish I wouldn’t have already worn my pink wiggle dress for that lesbo-prom.)

It’s apparently $10 in advance through their website, or $12 at the door. But seriously. This is Los Angeles, a show and a dance party for $12 ain’t bad at all. Other Yelp reviews of Mr. T’s Bowl reveal that it has a rockabilly vibe, for which I’m sincerely crossing my little painted piggies that it will have such a slant that night so I can make Mr. T’s my absolute most favorite of new dive hangouts. I mean, their website is powered by TRIPOD. (Remember that, you whippersnappers?)

See you there?
♥squeak

Tags: burlesque, butch/femme, drag kings, drag show, los angeles, vintage hair

Pattern Review: Crepe by Colette

Hi from crazy-work-land!

We’re gearing up for a huge event where I work, and I’ve been burning some serious midnight oil getting ready for it and neglecting my little blog. Sorry!

This post is for the sewing set – the Crepe dress pattern by Colette Patterns.

I tend to sew in fits and starts, with no continuity of productivity. I really do need to schedule myself sewing time in my calendar so I’ll finish projects while it’s still the season to wear them! In any case, when I saw this pattern at Sew LA back in November, I knew I had to make it for my birthday dress. It came together like a breeze in about 6 hours – including cutting and hemming – and the contrasting sash around the upper waist is my BFF for life. I love how versatile you can make this pattern! (Unfortunately my birthday wasn’t the best time to wear this number, so I saved it for random indie outings and trips to botanical gardens.)

I’ll be making this pattern again for spring – most likely in a light green or bold floral. This time I’ll go down to the smallest size and do an SBA (small bust adjustment) for Ms. Itty and Ms. Bitty. Colette patterns are sized for a curvier figure which I only possess below the waistline. I will also belatedly follow along with Gertie’s fantastic Crepe Sew-Along so I can add some more professional touches to my construction and achieve a better fit.

Any other sewing fans out there?

Happy spring! ♥

Tags: colette pattern, crepe pattern, dress, femme, sewing

A lesbian breakthrough!

… two women  going on multiple dates without a relationship!

I had confided in my closest lady friends about my dating situation with the Knight over pizza and truth-serum Sangria and was roundly chastised for not bringing up “The Talk.” I don’t want to be the bad guy! I just… like to avoid conflict. And up until that point I had figured, “Hey. She hasn’t brought anything up… and everything still feels pretty casual.” But folks, I was wrong. If I was thinking it, it needed to be talked about.

We had a date the next night – a laid back dinner and movie affair. I was pretty melancholy the whole time, even if this wasn’t an actual break up. It still felt a lot like being the bearer of bad news as she continued to be ridiculously charming and attentive. We had a great time, watched an awful movie and then proceeded to my apartment where I became all cagey and awkward. Sigh.

The minute she placed her hand on my leg and started roaming upwards for the score I had to stop her with the, “Uh, can we talk?” Is there anything worse for either person?

There is also no easy way to convey the sentiment of “I’m emotionally unavailable to you right now. I don’t know if I will be in the future, but I want to keep this casual as long as you want. BUT you can date other people and I really won’t mind. And same for me, pal!” But I did, in a hopefully more poetic and caring way. And surprisingly, she said she was very much on board and had been enjoying my awkward aloofness and non-uhaulism. We both were just enjoying makeouts and having a reason to go out to dinner once a week. I felt immensely lighter and a lot better about the situation. I had been completely up front! The cards were on the table.

I had one of the girls over the next night for a makeup party (yeah, it happens) and told her the good news. I’m not the bad guy! Her face fell. “Oh no! She’s lying.”

Wait. No. But, my cards. They’re on the table! I can’t possibly know what she really wants unless she tells me, and she might possibly have been playing along hoping that I’ll have a change of heart soon.

Oh my, this is the longest I’ve been officially single in quite some time! Almost a year after the creation of this blog, it might actually be about what it was originally intended for. Hm.

♥squeak

Tags: butch/femme, dating, Knight